Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
