I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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