first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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