just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
