We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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