But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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