I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
