If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I had to cum in my sink.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
