we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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