look no pants
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
