Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
