I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You are the jesus of drinking
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
