I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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