I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
