I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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