Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
