So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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