Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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