hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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