My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
