I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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