so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
