So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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