as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
