party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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