The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
