i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
