I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
