This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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