So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
