Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
