Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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