hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
