so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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