Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
