the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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