so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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