happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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