Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
