My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
