Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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