If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
