i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She bit a glass in half.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
