You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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