from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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