I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Come on in and take your pants off
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