yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
