so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
