Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
