This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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