Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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